frozen voices

The difficult thing is that one of the fight/flight/freeze resposes is a frozen voice. He wasn’t getting a clear no, but there was also no clear asking for a yes. She wasn’t able to articulate, or may have been confused herself — “I like you, but I’m not ready for this yet” can pull up a cavewoman “pleaser / turn yourself into a prezel” module.
Neither was communicating well. This is understandable especially on a firsta date. You don’t know each other at all yet. And, on her part, because of his fame, she likely had pre-conceived notions that weren’t matching her experience so there was likely a case of cognitive dissonance plauging her mind as well.
But that’s too long of a headline and it doesn’t make a good # metoo vilianization story.

Get Bored

I was recently given a unique take on boredom from Seth Godin’s work. He suggests we (at least those of us in Creative endeavours) have to starve the Creative of input, we have to “get bored”. This triggers the brain to find a way to entertain us. He suggests *that* is the time when the brilliance really comes to the fore.
I tried it. It really worked.

exploring your passion

One thing I found useful was learning my Signature Strengths. Mine are Bravery/Valor, Creatiivity, Critical Thinking, Authenticity, Gratitude.

Martin Seligman, godfather of positive psychology, did the deep research and found 24 “values in action” character traits.

The Signature Strengths (I call them my super powers!) are your top 5.

You’re already naturally using them and the idea is to intentionally seek out more ways to use them so they become more and more supercharged to enhance your life.

His website, has a whole bunch of self-assessment questionaires. There are 2 re: signature strengths. The regular one and a short version.

“VIA Survey of Character Strengths”
“Brief Strengths Test”

in case you’re interested in exploring.

emotions, an abridged point of view

I like the reductionist tactic. “it’s just sensations in the body”. If you take a moment and watch them – their colors, shapes, movement patterns, (if they wanted to move where would they go) – they have what they need, your attention, and they resolve on their own. In like 45 seconds or less. Super Awesome process.

the long haul

A wise army rotates its soldiers in situations of long term battle. The effects on mind and body diminish the warrior’s ability to be on their Best Game.
It is vital that we take breaks, replenish our resources, ground and center stronger than ever before, then return to the sides of our comrads.
It is vital that we use the incensed energies of anger wisely. It is a gift and we must direct it in the most effective ways we can find.
California has not learned this lesson yet. I fear they are literally feeding the ongoing fires with the splayling rampant undirected energy.
Be Angry.
Be Wise.
Take incredible care of yourself first.

supporting Best Self, worth it calculators, cavemen, self improvement

Here’s a power question I came up with last week:
“Who do I need to be to support me being my Best Self?”
Men have a “worth it” calculator. it’s rooted in the caveman DNA. Some even go so far as to suggest we’d still be in the caves if women hadn’t been asking for stoves and light and heat and running water.
Is it worth it to spend my energy on the duck when the buffalo will likely be by soon and the whole tribe will be fed for a month?
No. Sit and wait.
Is it worth it to take out the garbage when I’ve got a lawn to tackle after lunch?
No. Sit in resting position while the testosterone builds so all available reserves are online for the lawn mission.
There is a We energy when you are in a relationship.
Your energy, her energy, and the We energy. You feel good in the we. You feel good around she. It’s worth doing the work to make that happen.
There is an upward spiral.
You, being your Best Self, makes her happy. When she is happy that fills you with life and it’s easy to be your Best Self when you’re full of life. You, being full of life makes her happy, and that makes it easy for her to be her Best Self.
The only person who is there for you 24/7 without fail is You.
You know exactly what you need, and how to provide it. That makes you a really great person to have as your own best friend.
Commit to being your Best Friend.
Commit to supporting yourself.
Ask yourself often
“Who do I need to be to support me being my Best Self?”
The self improvement will naturally emerge.

days of no obligation

“days of no obligation”, tend to short hand it as N.O.
Recently paradigm shifted. I can’t recall who brought it into my brain, but it’s important for Creatives to “get bored”.
The brain and the input habits will fight you on it, but if you keep depriving the input it will start to give you stellar output to entertain you and escape the boredom.

life changing good habit

“I now command my subconscious mind into I am feeling loved in and out of time”. Get into intention space, write or say it in the morning.
In the evening, check in with how your Self Love was that day.
Repeat for 14 days.
Check in with how your life has been the past 2 weeks.

I developed this one day. It changed everything.